What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 05:37
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Blink and your AI security playbook is out of date - Axios
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im still living with it.
Why would a spouse cheat if the marriage is good?
I was seconnd youngest,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Inflation Expectations Decline; Labor Market Expectations Improve - Federal Reserve Bank of New York
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Why are American women so ugly nowadays?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Coco Gauff tops Aryna Sabalenka to give the French Open an American champion - The Washington Post
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Life from oceans to savannas explained with one single rule - Phys.org
I said to her
He knew the spot.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
What's the funniest thing you heard in a movie theater?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Are evolutionists giving evolution a bad name by claiming humans started off as shrews?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was very sick at this time too.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I waited trembling.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Ive learnt so much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My family never makes their pension either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
What did i know ?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Would this be the day?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My life is so biszare .
I don,t even have a pension.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was 9 years of age.
This is soul school!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She married twice! .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So whats the point in blame.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Put me off passion for life!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We were not on the streets..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She was in good health!
And i lived it daily.
One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
All the time i was locked up.
I will be 64.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She loved him until the end.
We all went to grammer schools
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was scared of men, in general
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But, we were locked up after school.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She found it foreign!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So, i spoilt her more .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!